And that's life for you.

well that didn't really make any sense but let me attempt to explain.

So when you don't have anything to do, you tend to think about things. Call me mr philosphical but I've come to notice how much has changed over the past 5 years.

You can see it on facebook, y ou can see it on people's behavior.

2 years ago facebook was active; people will be posting just about anything and everyone was having "fun" ; the friends i have who are 15-18 yo still talk about random things ; you know young love, movies, paying each other out ....... but as we grow older we stop; is that just maturity or what? I mean I've noticed many people had just stop fbing posts.

Several key reasons I have come up with:

To be judged:

Now that we are adults, are we more, in a sense, judged by every little thing we say or do? younger we could come up with an excuse saying oh his just young he'll learn... but now that that excuse is no longer "valid" do we just keep our mouths shut in the hope of continuing life without an attempt to lose any respect? to no embarrass ourselves just in case we say something stupid to make us "look" stupid?
Yes, this little trend I've noticed is as you get older, you are more quieter and reserved. Is this part of growing up?

I've noticed that as I walk in the shopping mall during a lunch break from placement in uniform, people will look at me, differently than say, if I were in casual; immediately people judge me to be "smart" since this uniform represents me going to uni, having good acedmic work and a good future; the look I call it. I feel that I am entitled to act/behave more smarter then I should be ( or are they looking at my bulkiness from the gym? o_o) so this reflects the whole fb incdent ; minimal posts and being very reserved.

Partners
Otherwise getting a partner sure has "changed" people's behavior to the more quieter zone. Not sure if it's to save people embrassment for the partner but it is painstakinly obvious that when your off the market, your not only quieter, but you... almost dissapear from the world or "social" club.

I speak from observation of course; and we've all seen it.

But this is the just the way life goes I guess; the next chapter? step in life? being part of an adult? Sometimes I feel like I'll be immature forever or something so it's a bit harder to adapt to this adulthood phase. zzzzzz

Busy

Yeah; we all have things to do, more so then others. Then why is it im the only one who feels like i have NOTHING to do? pehaps just having this idea and writing in this post is indictive of my minimal busy life.

Gosh

Everyone seems to be growing up faster than I am ; and hell sure we've all heard "you grow up at your own pace" but no, thats not a good enough sxcuse

.....................

man I need a life

Wow, new layout for blogger. Wonder if people still come here..

Anyways it's been about a month since my last post

and as always alot has happened... too much


but yeah right now........ I'm in the midst of a massive transition. call it intuition because it's my last year at uni I need to know what I want to do in the immediate future

do I continue to study and take that dream job I always once looked foreward too or do I settle with what I have and be grateful I am in this position?

It's so confusing...

sigh.. decisions decisions

Do you ever wonder if the world gives you things for a reason? I'm mainly talking about .. you guessed it. girls. lol.

So I was minding my own business during my new placement when this girl.. who's 4 years out of grad or something like that comes by and, me being me, thought she was kinda pretty. with a bit of ann accent , and a smaller frame, she'd be the nice gfy type.

Finally, i had something to look foreward too for once. So we caught on and talked about random stuff , and I thought I was doing well in that regard, but as always , I find out something I don't really want to hear - she's got a bf. Whats worse, they've been one month engaged.

Plays song "wedding dress - Taeyang"

One month too late? didn't really matter anyway. But I kinda think this girl woulda had something for meifwasn't engaged or something

*Sigh*

anyways we have a new topic we keep going back too ; weddings

being a  wedding catererr, I've seen heaps and we just go on about what works, what doesnt , what happens etc.

it's fun and all but you know that it's just conversation and nothing more

sometimes i think the world teases me or just wants me to have some sort of epiphany.

ahh man.

I'm at this really wierd stage of life right now  like it's so turbulent and crazy - do other people experience this same stuff?


like I'm not really looking foreward to anything but i don't have a reason NOt to, since i have it fairly ok at the moment...

please give me something to work with ?

................................................

ive always been fairly quiet, throughout life. I can talk to anyone without really caring what their response is. Ever since I was a kid, I was kind of always a loner, had maybe one friend through the later years of high school.

but I think it's gotten worse.

So cambo n ew year has come up and i went to the temple.
A sisters friend came up and started talking to me and well...

I just froze

I don't even know how to SMALL TALK ANYMORE

I don't know what to say, what to think, my mind just feels blank most of the time

it's like a void or something.

It feels like im disconnected with the world

maybe i'm going crazy

....................

maybe im so out of practice with talking to people that i've forgotten how to talk to them

ASDKZXJCV:LKJXZkl;;lkj

Looking back at my previous posts, I've come to realize how terrible my spelling and grammar is. They've never really been my strong points but damn it's so scruffy.
Time to make an effort in making it look nice.

.......... yeah right

so just finished 8 weeks of placement and still have an assignment to finish off. zzzz

Lam's party passed. have to say it was actually not too bad. My attempts at talking to girls was a mixed bag thought. win and lose. lol speaking of which I haven't a long conversation with a girl in so long that it feels like ive totally how to forgetting HOW to talk to them - quite evident at the party.


I guess it's like gyming. keep training and you get stronger and used to it. and yet, me being so cooped up in my room playing games, whether it be dota2 or sfxt has sharpen those skills at the cost of my ability to communicate with "girls"

it sounds rather stupid doesnt it.

But I rekon theres a truth behind it.

ahh girls.

one of my friends asked me about hitting the clubs and picking up.

I told him I never was a clubbing person and my ability to even talk to girls was very minimal and that I couldn't.

Funny how he replied that he rekons I could easily if I tried wh ich got me thinking If i could, then why does every girl I've ever asked out reject me?

Maybe I just go for the wrong types.

I guess I've come to the conclusion that I was doing it all wrong and that maybe a different approach was need.

so funny, because my hairdresser , whom i see every 2 months would ask...
so you got a girl friend yet?

and of course my reply

" still dreaming"

and we'd talk about what kind of girl I should get, you know the whites vs. asian

she's probably the only one i talk to anything about haha

anyways it's like 4th year and doesn't feel like im going anywhere.

I totally won my last big tournament for a sfxt just barely.

and there was this girl that was watching - I saw her and I thought she was actually quite pretty and wanted to talk to her but after i'd won....... with the whole trophy announcements and the photos she ... was gone.

after I could get myself into browsing mode, not to sound stalkerish in anyway but.. i tried looking for her just to say hi, ask her what she thought of my game and even maybe get her name etc. but it turned out I couldnt find her so it was a bit of a disapointment which sucks

and another oppertunity has gone.



damn. shes somewhere in that vid, you'll see her

so yeah sfxt is just another hobby which is dying soon

mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn I don't know what to do right now

aiiiiiiiiiihhhhh

Update on life:

the new game street fighter x tekken is out. it has pretty much replaced ssf4, my main game.


its a good game and all but...... something inside just feels like it's no longer my reason to continue playing. I've bought it, played it and i do pretty good but it's just not right. is this what i need to break away from the pro gameing i did during my uni years?

is this what it feels like to finally.. grow up?

life these days.. it's slow and unpassianotable. yeah yeah, im aware that for i'm pretty pessimistic these days. my belief is that all the past expereience is what creates you at the present and I guess. it's been quite negative for me.
sigh..................

sometimes I ask why......... can't I just be normal ..

I'm not too sure what to say about the event that happened on the 14/03/2012.

"THE 23-year-old woman driver of a small car is dead after the vehicle and a truck collided on Port Wakefield Rd at Bolivar. "

I guess throughout life you hear about people's death and you don't think too much about it. But I guess when you actually know the person it becomes different. It pull strings you didn't know you had. ( Me anyway)

so this girl was someone i'd met a while back just after a friendly conversation. turns out she is a friends of a sister anyway. we exchanged a few conversation every time we crossed paths but that was almost it.

I had her facebook and i'd see her photo posts from time to time. and now she is gone. It's like the first time someone i knew in some regard who's actually died young.

I'm still in disbelief about it - do people really ju st die like that? she had almost everything going for her and bam this happens.
The countless tributes to her and her brothers messages are also something to take note off.

it's been a sad week. Hope you Rest in peace, noone deserves to die young.

makes you appreciate life more

where did the fire go?

It's been a while since i had that feeling. you know, that fire? that power?

that passion...

it could be on anything.

for me, it went along the lines of..

street fighter
gyming
studying ( at one stage)
and of course that girl
even toy collecting

but for all of these I have to admit. the fire has run dry. right now theres a state of plainess. no real direction to go anywhere.

it's kind of boring.

like even the whole idea of working and getting money is... meh. feels like it's not really that insirational in any sense.

I want to feel that passion again. my best example would be something like this