ive always been fairly quiet, throughout life. I can talk to anyone without really caring what their response is. Ever since I was a kid, I was kind of always a loner, had maybe one friend through the later years of high school.

but I think it's gotten worse.

So cambo n ew year has come up and i went to the temple.
A sisters friend came up and started talking to me and well...

I just froze

I don't even know how to SMALL TALK ANYMORE

I don't know what to say, what to think, my mind just feels blank most of the time

it's like a void or something.

It feels like im disconnected with the world

maybe i'm going crazy


maybe im so out of practice with talking to people that i've forgotten how to talk to them

Looking back at my previous posts, I've come to realize how terrible my spelling and grammar is. They've never really been my strong points but damn it's so scruffy.
Time to make an effort in making it look nice.

.......... yeah right

so just finished 8 weeks of placement and still have an assignment to finish off. zzzz

Lam's party passed. have to say it was actually not too bad. My attempts at talking to girls was a mixed bag thought. win and lose. lol speaking of which I haven't a long conversation with a girl in so long that it feels like ive totally how to forgetting HOW to talk to them - quite evident at the party.

I guess it's like gyming. keep training and you get stronger and used to it. and yet, me being so cooped up in my room playing games, whether it be dota2 or sfxt has sharpen those skills at the cost of my ability to communicate with "girls"

it sounds rather stupid doesnt it.

But I rekon theres a truth behind it.

ahh girls.

one of my friends asked me about hitting the clubs and picking up.

I told him I never was a clubbing person and my ability to even talk to girls was very minimal and that I couldn't.

Funny how he replied that he rekons I could easily if I tried wh ich got me thinking If i could, then why does every girl I've ever asked out reject me?

Maybe I just go for the wrong types.

I guess I've come to the conclusion that I was doing it all wrong and that maybe a different approach was need.

so funny, because my hairdresser , whom i see every 2 months would ask...
so you got a girl friend yet?

and of course my reply

" still dreaming"

and we'd talk about what kind of girl I should get, you know the whites vs. asian

she's probably the only one i talk to anything about haha

anyways it's like 4th year and doesn't feel like im going anywhere.

I totally won my last big tournament for a sfxt just barely.

and there was this girl that was watching - I saw her and I thought she was actually quite pretty and wanted to talk to her but after i'd won....... with the whole trophy announcements and the photos she ... was gone.

after I could get myself into browsing mode, not to sound stalkerish in anyway but.. i tried looking for her just to say hi, ask her what she thought of my game and even maybe get her name etc. but it turned out I couldnt find her so it was a bit of a disapointment which sucks

and another oppertunity has gone.

damn. shes somewhere in that vid, you'll see her

so yeah sfxt is just another hobby which is dying soon

mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn I don't know what to do right now